RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTIES

Self concept and relationship difficulties

Relationship Difficulties


  The concept we have of ourselves begins to be created already from the first months of life, starting from the first reports. We build, in fact, the first perceptions of us from the way others perceive us and from the way we perceive ourselves in our relationship with others.

    The responses from the significant figures of childhood to the child's initiatives form the basis for his future expectations in the relationship with the world. In relation to the different experiences of oneself with others, who later integrate themselves according to the roles played in the enlarged society, one creates one's own identity which subsequently tends to confirm itself, assuming a certain stability, in fact, what we think of ourselves influences our behavior and therefore triggers specific reactions from others. A child who represents himself as worthy of love and importance and others as responding to his needs, as an adult will behave accordingly, confident of receiving love and support in relationships. If there has been a bad synchronization between the answers of the child and the parent, (perhaps due to the parent's difficulty in interacting with the child due to his own problems or a critical period) the child can represent himself as not worthy of attention and build a negative image of self that will later tend to confirm itself in subsequent reports.

    Relationship difficulties In this way, if a person forms a negative self-concept, he will tend to confirm it by remaining trapped in a self-sustaining system, creating a series of self-fulfilling prophecies; this is the basis on which problems can be built in relationships, such as the continuous disappointments in love stories, the tendency to isolate oneself or the difficulty in opening oneself and communicating one's emotions. For example, excessive shyness in relationships can be linked to a negative self-concept (I do not deserve to be considered) and to negative expectations about the answers of others (they will reject me, mock me) that lead to isolation or approaches clumsy social groups destined to fail. Or, the conviction of not being worthy of love and respect can be transmitted to the partner who will treat us accordingly, confirming our expectation ("he too realizes that I am not worth").

Example of circle of the self:


Self concept: fragile, needy, inadequate (I'm not ok, others are ok)

Needs: need to be looked after, need to protect oneself, suppress anger for fear that it can drive others away

Expectations: to be rejected, abandoned, to fail,

Behaviors: Acts timidly, avoids others, does not engage in relationships

Impressions of others: gives the impression of being a needy person

Answers from others: avoidance or care

Perceptions: select the negative answers of the others and do not take into consideration the signs of acceptance

Interpretations: The others do not esteem me, I am not worthy of love

Emotional reactions: sadness, a sense of loneliness

  The psychotherapist can help the individual to observe himself in relationships and become aware of the message he gives of himself, so that he can access his own profound concept of self to change it.

  It is not always easy to manage in a harmonious way the interaction we have with ourselves, with others and with the world. They are interconnected relationships, impossible to avoid in any context or situation: in the couple, in the family, in work, with ourselves.

   The relational difficulties are rooted in the ability to communicate, in the problems of self-esteem, in growth in an environment that has not favored social relations (for example, families that have completely excluded social life or in which others are viewed negatively in a paranoid way as those who they can cheat, betray ...) or integration.

   The relationship difficulties do not only concern those who are silent or otherwise feel uncomfortable and profoundly inadequate in the presence of other people or those who have the omnipotent and demeaning idea of ​​having to be accepted by everyone and having to agree with everyone.

   Many people who go to the psychotherapist are perhaps very good at the relationship to two and instead have difficulties with groups and with "superficial" relationships, even those that are very important both because they are more numerous and because they are normally present in moments of pure entertainment.

Below are my most recent posts on relationship difficulties:


High or low self-esteem: why is it so important?

  The assessment that everyone gives of himself is not necessarily truthful, but has concrete effects on daily life, influencing expectations and behavior. Precisely for this reason it is important to recognize the moments of low self-esteem and the causes of a "deterioration" in order to be able to remedy promptly by containing the negative effects.

  Those who experience low self-esteem by not feeling sufficiently sure of their own value and qualities, avoid choosing and acting out of an excessive fear of making mistakes, experiencing greater uncertainty and difficulty detaching themselves from the problematic situation in order to find a solution, and when they experience failure, they suffer more , associating the occurrence exclusively to a lack of it while when it experiences a success it tends to devalue it, diminish it.

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